Yesterday I had a flashback to my teen years.   I stumbled over a review of my novel on the internet and eagerly opened it only to discover that the reviewer was not exactly what you would call a fan of my story.  My self image balloon deflated pretty quickly.

And I, of course, decided that this one person’s opinion was right and that people  like the editor at Canadian Living Magazine – who chose the novel as  ”Pick of the Month”  –  must be wrong.  I felt embarassed and dumb and, yes, had a moment of feeling  that I needed to eat something terrible to make myself feel worse.  The whole food as my comfortable enemy thing still raising its ugly head after all of these years.

16 again and thinking everyone else is right and everything about me is wrong.  When you are in your teens, other people’s “reviews” hurt.  Whether it’s your book, your singing, your new outfit or your body, it’s so hard not to take other people’s opinions as more “right” than your own.  After a while it becomes almost impossible to figure out what you feel about yourself anymore.

There aren’t simple answers to this tough issue.  I’m old and wise (lol!!!) but still fall victim to it.  I can work hard at telling myself that the reviewer (and unfortunately this is probably not going to be the last non fan!) is one person, with one opinion, and take what I can learn from the experience and move on.  Hard enough at 50.  Much harder at 16.

There are lots of self image ideas on the Resources/Self Image page.  Take a few seconds to check them out.  You might find something that will help you write  your own review of yourself.

If you have other resources or ideas that could help others out there, including me apparently, please share them either here on on the Resources page.  Thanks!!

I was out clothes shopping with my daughter one day when she was in her mid teens.  She was trying things on and became extremely upset when some pants in “her” size didn’ t fit….too tight.  She got angry at herself and me and decided she was too fat to shop.  I told her she was being ridiculous and to stop overreacting.  She looked at me in something close to shock and said something like “Are you kidding?  You do this every time we go shopping for your clothes!” 

This is the part where I’d like to say she was making it up, but I had to admit to both of us that she was right.  I used to get totally offended if even one pair of pants in “my” size didn’t fit…even though I know that every brand makes a different size 10 and that not too many people wear the size on the outside of their pants where people can see it.  I would usually decide the shopping trip was over and go stomping off home like a little kid who didn’ t get the cotton candy she wanted.   Sometimes I wish I could turn the clock backwards and try again, this time remembering how much my attitude and behaviour could be impacting my kids.  

Even though most teens wouldn’t want to admit it, most are influenced by the attitudes of the important adults in their lives.  We moms have to remember that our attitudes towards our own bodies bounce off of us and onto our children.

There’s an old expression “forewarned is forearmed”…which means knowing what  you’re up against can sometimes help you protect yourself.   If you can talk to the significant adults in your life about this kind of thing, it might be a good idea to start. But even if you can’t change the attitudes or behaviour of other people in your life, you can at least understand what it could be doing to your own self image.  Either way, this article could help give you some ideas of where to start.

http://www.womenshealth.gov/bodyimage/kids/